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In today’s world, having 3 kids sounds like having a small football team. And honestly, I agree. I am currently pregnant with the 3rd (and final) baby. And as much as I was expecting rainbows, smiles, and nothing but sunshine, I was met with a cocktail of emotions instead.
When my husband and I married, children were a no, but not a firm no. However, when I hit my mid-20s, the desire to have a child intensified and lingered. We then decided to be a one-and-done family. However, my one-and-done baby became a 2-year-old and was hit with the same desire.
So we had a second one and felt complete with the addition of our second baby girl. Life was great, and then that same nagging feeling came: “have another baby.” However, this was a harder sell for my husband. He loved the little life we had and the routine.
I felt the same—eventually. And like some sick joke, after accepting that life was pretty good and routine. Aunt Flo was late, and I needed to take a test. And there, I saw the infamous digital read “PREGNANT”.
I waited another ten minutes because I thought NOT was supposed to show up. And (surprise!) it did not show up. And although this is technically something I had wanted, I still wasn’t prepared for it. The feelings I had weren’t all happy, and I felt guilty for it.
This post is all about the insane feelings I had surrounding the idea of having 3 kids.
Insane Feeling No. 1: Fear and Anxiety
I think a lot of women can relate to the idea of not being fully prepared for what you see on the tests. Some expect to fail only to pass, and some fail expecting to pass. There is always fear of the unknown. Questions and concerns buzz throughout your mind.
To give some context, I fully believed I wasn’t. It happened all too fast, and I had finally accepted that life as a family of 4 was great. I was living blissfully unaware of what was occurring in those weeks until some symptoms I normally don’t get showed up.
Despite them, I was still convinced I was worried for nothing. So seeing that bold pregnant shook me to my core. I was instantly scared. The idea of having 3 kids scared me.
“Where was this kid going to go?” We live in a small 3-bedroom home with no additional storage. Although we made plans to hopefully be able to move into a bigger home, babies luckily don’t need much space.
“How are we going to tell our family?” I was terrified of what they would think. Turns out they were more than supportive and have been the best support system since finding out.
“Are we screwing over our daughters by introducing a third?” Having another child didn’t just affect my husband and me. I grew up in a household of five, and I cannot imagine life without my two brothers. Once my eldest daughter processed her feelings surrounding it, she was 100% on board.
There were many, many questions fueling my already developing anxiety and fear surrounding this new family member. I wanted it to be a happy moment, but instead, I felt numb.
However, instead of sitting in those negative emotions, I still tried to carry on the tradition of “baby baskets” that I make to announce the positive pregnancy tests to my husband. I made one for each of the girls, so I wasn’t going to let my emotions ruin the 3rd baby basket tradition.
Insane Feeling No. 2: Guilt
After the initial shock of it all wore off, I felt guilty for not being excited about the arrival of baby 3, but for what my eldest child might think. Long story short, the news did NOT go well—at first. She was scared of the changes, the possibility of not enough love for her, and having to keep track of another sibling.
When I tell you, my husband and I’s hearts dropped to the bottom of our feet. It was a soul-crushing feeling, and there was nothing we could do to change it. However, we gave her room to openly talk about what she was feeling, and we honestly gave her feedback when it felt right to.
She said she was scared; we said we were too. She mentioned having to look after two siblings; we said that’s our job. Not enough love to give; we told her our love only expanded. Having 3 kids only meant we have more love to share.
The very next day, she was excited about her baby brother or sister and was ready to finally meet them. I am 11 weeks as I write this, and the excitement has not worn off; we told her when I was 5 weeks.
Insane Feeling No. 3: Denial
As I mentioned before, I 1000% believed there was no way I was pregnant. I was about to start a little health journey, I was starting to like the weight I was at, my clothes were fitting nicely, and I had just turned 32. Life was going great.
Yes, I know what causes babies, and yes, I know what prevents them, and yet I was still shooketh and surprised that morning. For those first 3-4 weeks, nothing felt off, and even once things started to make me question, I still figured it was weird PMS symptoms that I’ve had in the past.
Insane Feeling No. 4: Pockets of Extreme Happiness
This emotion was a lot more fun to deal with and truly helped with the gravity of things. Pictures of my girls as babies made me go “awwwwww”. Other pregnant women made me feel less alone on social media, and Pinterest reminded me of all the cute baby names I could once again go through.
Downloading the apps I once used for my girls felt nostalgic, and I was so excited to do it all over again. The newborn scrunch, the baby smell, feeling the kicks, and pigging out on all my favorite foods were all things I started looking forward to.
Insane Feeling No. 5: Resentment
This one hurt my heart a little to realize, but it was a short timeframe. For most of the first trimester, I felt like most pregnant women. Gassy, nauseous, fatigued, etc. Somewhere around 9-ish weeks, something felt really off. About a week later, I went to the ER, and they found something concerning.
I felt like this only happened because I am currently pregnant. I’ve never had this issue before, and now it was causing massive issues, messing with my daily life. I couldn’t even take a brisk walk or take care of my children without taking constant breaks. I could hardly breathe, and I napped off and on all day.
I quickly realized I needed to get that feeling in check because no child of mine will ever feel resentful for a choice their father and I made. I reframed it as maybe they exposed a medical need earlier so I could get it checked earlier. This also could just be a hormone thing, and it’ll clear once everything starts to level off in the second trimester.
Insane Feeling No. 6: Already Overwhelmed
Once we realized we were becoming parents of a small football team, we felt the gravity hit our wallets. Diapers, formula, clothes, a bigger car, bigger dreams, new ways to make more money.
Blessed we are that we are not struggling financially, but I still worried about trying to feed another mouth and a new vehicle since my current one is now too small. However, once we created not only a budget but a plan, opportunities started showing themselves, and I just felt a sense of peace.
Creating a plan helped us feel like we were more in control of how the next 29 weeks were going to go for our expanding family. If anything, baby 3 kicked things into gear for us. All of a sudden, having 3 kids didn’t seem so daunting. Amazing what having a plan can do for you.
Insane Feeling No. 7: Sense of Peace
When the thought of having 3 kids became too much to bear, I leaned so much more on not only my husband’s calmer nature but also God. I truly felt that everything was happening for a reason and that everything would be okay. And since then, I have only small moments of overwhelming feelings.
Overall, I have felt at peace and supported not only by all my loved ones (especially through my health scare) but like it’s no longer on me to bear these feelings. This pregnancy is meant to be enjoyable just like my other 2 pregnancies.
Writing this blog post also provides a sense of peace. Putting words to my emotions in the hopes it helps someone else find their words brings me joy.
Find a way to let all those emotions out:
Although I labeled them as “insane” feelings, they are more like “insanely” normal. Your hormones are everywhere; how you do everyday life will change in 40 weeks, and there are more mouths to feed and worry about. If you ever felt all or one of these emotions, it doesn’t make you a bad parent.
Don’t allow yourself to sit in those negative feelings. Grab on to the positive feelings and talk to anyone once you start to feel overwhelmed. As I am typing this, I am beyond ready to find out the gender of the baby but also to finally hold them in my arms.
Turns out, having 3 kids is not as scary as I once thought and will be such a fun adventure!
