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Everyone is on a different journey in life. No one has the perfect life or has it all figured out. Even your favorite influencer is winging it. Mom life is a journey in itself, and it’s while you are still discovering yourself.
There are different seasons in life where you have to put yourself on the back burner. The trick? Not forgetting about the back burner.
Life will ebb and flow for us all, especially those with children. Mom life can feel lonely, monotonous, and can cause us to grow resentful of a life we thought we wanted. However, I think many of us don’t actually regret the life we have; it’s that we regret letting it be the only life we have.
We were whole people before the little people appeared and somehow forgot her. I was the kind of girl who loved makeup, getting dressed up (even if we were going to Walmart), and had big, audacious dreams. As I not only got older, but started adding kids, how I started to go about my days changed as well.
I stopped caring about my appearance, finding hobbies to enjoy, and dreaming big (started dreaming practically and for money). I found myself stressed out, annoyed, agitated, and burnt out. Life wasn’t fun anymore, and everyone in my house was feeling the effects of how I felt.
Although unfair, I stayed in that headspace for a while. It wasn’t until I returned to my old job as a part-time employee that I noticed something. I had to get dressed up to some degree. It was a pretty chill job, so it was really casual. Think Sunday best, where jeans are allowed, but there is still a dress code. I couldn’t live in my bonnet and sweats as I did at home. Which was something I loved doing before kids.
I also had an identity outside of my “mom” life. I was Briana at work, and I had tasks to work towards a goal outside of homemaking. I started adding whimsy to my day, no matter how “dramatic” it seemed to others. I was living life like it was my own personal movie. The secret to it all, I was becoming the main character of my story again.
That’s probably where you are right now, you aren’t feeling like the main character of your story, and it’s reflecting in your everyday life. The great news is you can start today on resetting your life to become the main character of your life. These resets will help you make time for yourself so you can always keep your promises to yourself. {Spoiler: you don’t have to get a second job to feel like it’s your movie…}
This post is all about dreaming big outside of mom life.
Self Auditing
To get an idea of where you are lacking in your current life, you have to do an audit. [How to do a life audit the right way] This will allow you to accurately assess each category in your life and where to focus change. Pick 2-3 at a time or per quarter to change and fine-tune.
You’ll be amazed at how much can change in 3 months of consistent and intentional effort. You can change your relationships, career trajectory, and health in 3 months using a habit tracker and aligned decision-making.
Where are you spending most of your time? Are you doomscrolling, avoiding, or ignoring tasks that you know would improve your life? Once you see your patterns laid out in front of you, you can make steps to change them.
Daring to Dream Big
Dreaming big can be scary and exciting all at the same time. However, it can also make you feel foolish and small. How dare you dream when you have kids to take care of? How dare you dream when people can barely afford groceries?
As mothers, sometimes we can be shamed for dreaming outside the box. And sometimes, people just don’t want others to have it “better” than them. So they attack what they don’t understand or out of jealousy. Dreaming big has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you.
Carve out a cozy, quiet space in your home, make your favorite coffee or tea, put on relaxing music, and just freely write what an amazing life looks like to you. Write down what your life looks like, and jot down what would make you sad if your life turned out another way.
Just write until you cannot write anymore. I saw a quote that I loved, “The economy is bad. Follow your dreams.” – Instagram comment section.
So honestly, what is there to lose? It all sucks anyway. And I have seen where the audacious are rewarded more than the most talented. So do what you will with that knowledge.
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Add More Whimsy to Your Routine
Adding whimsy to my everyday life is 100% my favorite life-hack. We live in a world where most of us are working 2-3 jobs just to make ends meet. Or we are living in houses that were meant as starters for longer than we thought.
Dare to drink your soda out of a wine glass, take the scenic route to work, work from a cafe, put on a new lipstick color, or whatever your heart desires. My favorite thing to do after I have cleaned up is to turn off all the lights, light a candle, and curl up on the couch, usually with a little YouTube or Mario Party.
Adding whimsy to your life can make life easier to deal with, and adding whimsy doesn’t have to cost money or a lot of it. It is simply adding an extra little dazzle to your otherwise ordinary task. Eat your spaghetti out of your finest china and see if you don’t feel elevated on a random Tuesday.
Customize Your Routine
This is the most boring but most important hack for your life. Routines are the systems that will carry out what’s important to you. You don’t need to wake up at 4 a.m., but you do need to wake up earlier so you have enough time before your kids or responsibilities.
The mornings when my kids wake me up are always the roughest because my plans go straight out the window. I am reacting to everything they want, and nothing I wanted to get done will get done.
Go to bed and avoid doomscrolling at a reasonable time. Have an identity-based routine instead of a task-based routine. For example, you want to become a business owner, so following a business identity would allow you to read books, create a website, or promote your business, and it would still count.
If it was task-based and you weren’t able to do that specific task, you may feel like you failed. Time-blocking would also allow you to have time for each specific identity. It wouldn’t matter if you homeschooled, worked, or were a stay-at-home mom; there would be time for everything that needed to be done.
Living a Normal Life
Social media would have you believe that every mom is living in her dream house, with her dream husband, and her dream kids. Leaving you feeling like you have to dream to be wealthy (even if that’s not what you want) or your life is lacking as is.
I’m going to hold your hand when I say this. Social media is nothing but highlight reels. No one is going to show you the reality, nor the years behind the scenes it took to get there. It’s okay to live a normal, messy life.
Most people do, and yours is not lacking because you don’t have the latest “mom car” sitting in your driveway. Work on your goals at your own pace and timeline. There is no real “timeline”. No one is behind you, and you aren’t behind anyone else.
Get Dressed for The Day
I hate to break it to you, but getting dressed out of your PJs is a hack. You DO NOT have to wear a suit, but I do suggest putting effort into the days you want to get stuff done. I find myself much more productive, have a more positive mindset, and overall feel good when I feel cute and do my skin care.
I have matching sets that I wear to effortlessly look put together, and they are comfy. Create space for weekly or monthly self-care days for your nails, hair, and feet. This will allow you to make sure that you’re manicured and feeling like that girl.
Plan your day & Execute the plan
Planning your day will create space to make intentional choices throughout the day. As they say, if it’s not on the calendar, it doesn’t exist. We want to be proactive instead of reactive towards our day. Life will throw you curve balls, and some days will not go to plan, but that does not mean we don’t try.
If I don’t have a plan for the day, I will literally sit and do nothing worthwhile all day. My day is filled with reaction, avoidance, and guilt once the day is over. No closer to my dream life, goals, or waist.
Executing will become automatic, and how you feel won’t matter; that is how you see real-life results. This is where you start to develop discipline and create the life you have always wanted.
Bonus: Align yourself spiritually
I will be honest, I am not doing the best in this department currently. I can tell a difference in the quality of my day-to-day. When I was on top of it, I felt less anxious and depressed, and felt like success was a given. I wasn’t scared to try new things because it was going to either work or be better than I could imagine.
As I fell off, I started feeling self-doubt, pessimistic about my future, and tried to control everything around me. I obsessed over timelines and outcomes and everything in between. I am no expert and don’t know everything, but life was better when my faith was stronger. I plan on tapping back in and releasing it to Him.
You are worth creating a life outside of being a mother. Make space for yourself, and you will start to show up as a happier, healthier, more fulfilled version of yourself. However, you decide to make space for yourself is 100% customizable and shouldn’t follow anyone else’s lifestyle or aesthetic. This is your only life, and you only get to live it once. Make choices that make sense for you and your family, not anyone else’s.
