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This post is all about depleted mother syndrome.
Burnout is real. You can get burned out from work, side hustles, and life but motherhood is a different beast. There’s a lot of mental and physical chores to tackle. Sometimes there’s no one to give you a break or you have to go long stretches before your next break.
Before going back to work part-time, I was exhausted as a stay at home mom with a newborn and a toddler. Trying to juggle housework, appointments for the family, meal planning, cooking, and so much more made it hard to get out of bed most days. I felt like I was a horrible mother and wife, I mean I had it all….right?
I didn’t realize that I was experiencing symptoms of depleted mother syndrome. The feeling of overwhelm and fatigue had caught up to me. However, the good thing is that there is a way out and a way never to go back.
Depleted Mother Syndrome
What is Depleted Mother Syndrome?
Depleted Mother Syndrome (DMS) happens when you as a mother cannot balance the demands of your family with your needs. As mothers, our needs often go unmet because we are usually putting ourselves last. A.K.A. feeling physically, emotionally, and mentally drained.
What are the symptoms of Depleted Mother Syndrome?
According to Choosing Therapy, symptoms can include but are not limited to:
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DMS can feel a lot like when you feel burnout from your career, where you enter a depression-like state. The wonderful news is you can have a burnout recovery from depleted mother syndrome.
Burnout Recovery
1. Create a Dopamine Menu
What is a dopamine menu? A “dopamine Menu” is a list of activities that are designed to trigger your “happy” hormones. It is a list of pleasurable activities that vary by level. This list is something that you can do to get you out of feeling burnout and it’s a form of self care. The idea of a dopamine menu was made popular by Jessica McCabe.
Structure of Dopamine Menu:
Your menu should have different items that can quickly reset and recharge you depending on the level of your burnout. Whenever you feel the effects of depleted mother syndrome, you can choose any combination or single item to lift your spirits quickly.
2. Pamper Yourself (Self Care Night)
To expand on tip number one, self care is by far the easiest way to reset yourself. You could go to a spa, make your home a spa, eat your favorite chocolate cake (alone), or whatever pouring into yourself looks like.
Having your menu in hand will help guide you on how much time you need to refresh yourself. I made myself a self-care cart (it was my breastfeeding cart) and it was the best thing I ever did for myself. It includes everything I need to have either an “everything” shower or if I just want to do my nails.
Self care is not selfish. It is a special time that is carved out for you to pour back into yourself. Read a daily devotional, listen to your favorite podcast, or watch your favorite YouTuber with a cup of hot tea. Your needs are just as important as your family’s needs.
3. Ask For Help
This one is easier said than done. Sometimes as a mom, we need our moms/parents. But what if you don’t have family or friends that can help you? You’ll have to find them and create your village. It truly does take a village to raise a family.
I am not sure what I would do if I didn’t have my family and friends to help me. Most importantly, my spouse. If I need a girls’ night, an everything shower, or just have to step outside the house for a bit, he’s there for me.
Asking for help is the hardest thing to do because it can make you feel weak, but it’s the opposite. Knowing that you need help and putting yourself out there takes courage.
4. Find a Hobby to Call Your Own
Having a hobby that you can nurture from the ground up or make progress is important to your journey as a mother. It grounds you in knowing who you are. But it also gives you something to focus on other than the well-being of the family.
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Hobbies You Can Start Today:
Start a new project that has been on your mind and heart for some time. Carve out a space where you can think creatively for yourself. Nurture your projects like you nurture your family’s projects. This will help ease the fatigue of mom burnout.
5. Create Routines (For yourself & Family)
Having a routine as strict or loose as needed will help you have time and energy for everything. I highly suggest you try timeblocking and creating a morning routine.
Posts you may like to read: How to do Time Blocking The Right Way & 20 Life-Changing Key Factors of How to Become a Morning Person
You can schedule time for your self care. Having a schedule allows you to better handle the daily tasks of your family and yourself.
Feeling the effects of Depleted Mother Syndrome or Mom Burnout can leave you feeling unhappy in motherhood. It often leaves us with questions like “Why do I feel like I don’t want to be a mom anymore?” And many of us feel those feelings and then feel guilty.
Motherhood is not easy but it is rewarding. With a little effort and some creativity, we can manage the feelings of burnout and be happier mothers. We deserve it.
This post was all about Depleted Mother Syndrome.
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