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Are you considering how to be a stay at home mom? Here are some essential tips that you may want to consider before you do.
My husband and I had to make some tough decisions, financially and mentally. There were concerns, questions, and assumptions that we had about staying home with the kids. There were many things that I had to learn even though I received great advice from other SAHMs.
I felt like I lost out on a chapter of my first daughter by working. I didn’t want to do it again. Not to mention the cost of daycare for two, working Saturdays as both parents and time away from my kids. I desperately wanted to become a stay at home mom but how?
I looked for advice from friends, social media, and my mom. They all had great tips, tricks, and advice. However, there were a few things I could only learn from taking becoming a stay at home mom.
This post is all about the 10 best essential tips you need to know on how to be a stay at home mom.
How To Be a Stay At Home Mom
What to Consider Before Becoming a Stay at Home Mom?
The internet, social media, and even family will have you believe that becoming a stay at home mom is easy. It’s not. It’s hard, and you are not sitting at home eating bonbons all day.
There will be little ones needing your attention all day long, you are the default parent, you will be handling the household chores, and no one will thank you. Many people believe you sit at home all day bored. And some will not understand that even though you are the home parent, you will need help.
Even if you have a wonderful support system and a hands-on husband/father, be prepared for your life to shift. Your daily life will be about ensuring that little kids are enriched, fed, loved, and poured into.
However, nothing will beat the feeling of creating special moments with your children. Taking the necessary precautions to thrive in motherhood will make mom life much more enjoyable.
1. You Need an Income (but you don’t need to be rich)
How do You Afford to be a Stay-at-Home Mom?
Let’s cut to the chase, being a stay at home mom takes money. Someone needs to make a decent income and sacrifices will have to be made if you want to become one. My husband makes a modest salary for four people but we do not live in a big house nor live in a city (he makes less than $100,000/yr).
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Create a budget and take a look at what you bring home from working after daycare and the expenses to get there. When we found out that we were pregnant with our second child, we figured out that it would actually cost us money for me to continue working. Additionally, my husband was transitioning to a new job at the time and the work hours no longer worked for me.
Factoring in the gas to drive to work and the daycare, the cost of daycare for two, the health insurance I paid for at my job, and everything else; I made less than $1,000 and worked 40+ hours every week. That didn’t sit well with us, so we figured out a budget on his income and I have been a stay at home mom since the end of 2022.
Bonus Tip: Figure out how to make money from home with the kids.
2. You Need to Create a Daily Routine
Having a daily routine SAVED ME. When I became a SAHM, I was pregnant with my second child and I had a three-year-old. I barely had a routine when I was working and that went out the door once I was home. I was drowning in making sure everyone was fed, learning/enriched, the house was cleaned, and I had quality time with my husband after work.
[Read Post: How to Make a Strong Routine For Stay at Home Mom]
Soon, I hated life and felt I made a huge mistake for a few months. I was angry that my husband could escape and talk to adults while I was always in the kitchen or cleaning something.
After having my youngest, something clicked. I needed a change and I created a routine that I still (try to) follow today. Simply creating a routine, allowed me to be proactive instead of reactive in my days.
3. Define Your Stay at Home Mom Responsibilities
Sit down with your spouse and outline what you believe should be expected of you. I saw an IG video (sadly I don’t remember the content creator) who treated being a SAHM as a 9-5. She treated this as a job and outlined what she would be responsible for during her “work hours”.
The reason why this works is because it takes the pressure off working 24/7. Once your spouse comes home, the responsibilities of the house and parenting are now shared. Just because you are the home parent, should not mean you are on the clock 24/7. You were sharing responsibilities when you were working outside the home, you just pivoted careers to inside the home.
4. Create a Bedtime Routine
This goes for everyone in the house. Create a bedtime routine for your kids early enough so you don’t have to doom scroll until 2 am. You need quality time for yourself and your husband.
Include tidying your high-traffic areas such as your kitchen and living rooms. Consider being done with chores at a certain time in the evening. And go to bed at a reasonable hour for yourself.
5. Have 5 Different Types Of Hobbies
According to Alyssa Tabit Smith, you should have 5 different types of hobbies. And I have to agree. As a mother who lost her identity once I became an SAHM, hobbies are so important. Once I lost my work identity, I had to create a new identity and it was worth it.
1. Hobby That Makes You Money
2. Hobby That Makes You Healthy
3. Hobby That Educates You
4. Hobby That Allows You To Be Creative
5. Hobby That Evolves Your Mindset
6. Not Everyone Will Support or Understand Your Decision
You will not have everyone’s support and some will think you are wasting your potential. You’ll have people that will think you are making a huge mistake. Family members, colleagues, and friends will not understand why.
If that is important to you, then do not stay home. Staying home is not for everyone and that is okay. However, if you want to stay home, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Your children will not be this small again.
Create the support you need. Find groups and other moms to be your village and encourage you through your journey.
7. The Job is Thankless But Rewarding
Becoming a mom is thankless, becoming a stay at home mom is 10x that. You’ll work all day and not many people will notice what you’ve done. The kids will get used to your presence so daddy coming home will always be an event.
Events, birthdays, appointments, meals, and any planning done by you will go unnoticed but simultaneously expected of you. It is rough and oftentimes, you’ll forget to pat yourself on the back.
However, when you step back and realize that the household runs smoothly, your kids are loved, and the house is filled with laughter; that’s all the thanks you truly need.
Please Read: You should still be thanked and your efforts should still be acknowledged. Don’t confuse this with emotional abuse, a neglectful spouse, or disrespectful kids.
8. Create a Space For Your Marriage
Becoming an SAHM will become your entire identity if you are not careful. Your cup will be empty from pouring into the children and household by the time he comes home from work. Create a sacred time that no one (including the kids and chores) can interrupt.
Two creators I follow on IG Trinity Sierra & Adara Sherron, used the term ✨Nightime Fellowship✨ and I have loved it ever since. You’ll often find yourself tired, not in the mood, and over it by the time 8 o’clock rolls around.
Cultivating a space for your marriage to thrive is so important. Plan date nights and schedule ✨nighttime fellowship✨ if you have to. Have weekly marriage meetings so you can plan together. Use nap time to have special one-on-one time or wait until kids go to sleep.
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9. Create a Space For Yourself
Choose the morning or night depending on when you are at your best. I like waking up in the morning and taking the time for myself. I workout, study my bible, and do my skincare before the kids wake up.
Pour into yourself first, spiritually, physically, and mentally. Listen to a good audiobook, read a good book, or go out for a nature walk.
Get dressed and mind your appearance so you can feel good throughout the day. This could mean wearing your favorite perfume and making sure your hair is tidy. For some, it could mean to wear makeup and curl their hair. Whatever that means for you, make an effort for yourself as well.
10. Set Goals For Yourself & The Family
Make sure you and your family are always progressing. Life can quickly become stagnant. Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 15 years? What about your family?
Include the family in the goal-planning and setting so everyone has a say (and is on the same page). Plan out vacations, income goals, new family homes, etc. Life is all about growth and as a SAHM, that becomes even more prevalent.
Becoming a stay at home mom is a rewarding but thankless job. Having goals, carving space for what’s important, and creating routines will create joy in your new journey as an SAHM. There are many things to consider before you take the leap but it will be worth it in the end.
This post is all about how to be a stay at home mom and the 10 essential tips that made staying at home manageable.
